


Cynara

by Jantique



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cynara, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-21
Updated: 2012-05-21
Packaged: 2017-11-05 19:03:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/409962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jantique/pseuds/Jantique
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a painful break-up with Danny, can Steve move on with other people? Or will Danny’s shadow always fall on Steve’s soul between the kisses and the wine?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cynara

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the beautiful poem “Cynara” by Ernest Dowson. Check it out.  
> Written Post-Season 2. At the beginning of this story, Kono is only casually involved with Adam Noshimuri.  
> Note: This IS a break-up story, BUT it was written by me, the Queen of Happy Endings. Not to worry.

_“I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.”_  
  


Finally, inevitably, the romance? Affair? Mad passion?—whatever it was, it was over. Oh, it dragged on for some time. Steve would do something he considered logical that Danny would call stupid and reckless, they’d have a fight, and then have (sometimes spectacular, sometimes hard and angry) make-up sex. Everything would be fine, if on edge. Until the next time. Then Danny’s constant ranting would get on Steve’s nerves, he’d blow up, and then…. Carguments didn’t stay in the car; they took over the house and HQ, any time and place. Gentle mocking became biting and vicious. Kono and Chin were quietly unhappy and frustrated. Grace was the only one who dared to wail, “Don’t you _love_ each other any more?”

  

And that was it. Danny said, “Steve, we have to talk. I can’t— _we_ can’t go on like this.”

  

“Yeah, I know.” Steve sighed. “I just don’t know how to fix it.”

 

Danny shook his head. “I don’t know that there’s anything to fix. I mean, you’re you and I’m me. We are who we are, the products of a lifetime of genetics and environment. We can’t change that.”

 

“Danny, I—I don’t want to lose you. I love you. I know I’m not good at showing it.”

 

“Babe, you show it just fine. And you know I love you. It’s _living_ together that we suck at.  We keep making each other more unhappy. That’s not what I want, or you either, I know. What is there left to lose?”

 

“No, no. Danny, we have to fight for this.”

 

“That’s what you said the last time—and the time before that. Steve, it isn’t working. Maybe we just need a break from each other. I think I should move out.”

 

Steve couldn’t stand the thought of that. “No, you stay here. I’ll reactivate my commission. I want to know that you’re here, okay?” He squeezed his eyes shut and took several deep breaths. He’d lived on his own before. He could do it again.

********************

He traveled the globe, constantly pushing himself, working hard and playing hard. He made it clear to all his partners that he was strictly a one-night-stand guy, don’t get involved ‘cause I’m not going to stick around. No commitments, no personal relationships. His team had his back, but he formed no friendships. It was better that way.

 

There were women, with big breasts and soft flesh and wide hips. He plunged into them, trying to lose himself. But he never did.

 

There were men. He fucked them and they fucked him. It was hard and rough and ungentle. That was the way he wanted it—the only way he could stand it. It was better than with the women, because there were hard bodies and beard stubble, and it felt right—almost. Always almost.

 

With all the men and women, he moaned aloud, never letting go of his control, never letting himself say the name, that one name, out loud. But always, always, he thought it as he climaxed. It was the only way he could.

 

There were military and civilians and whores. It was easier with the whores, they didn’t need him to pretend that they were the one he wanted. He could indulge himself in his mind. No doubt they were pretending that he was someone else too, and that was fine with him. Still, he never said anything out loud.

 

There was his own right hand, and that was the only time he let go, that he let himself cry out as he came, “Danny! Danny!”

 

The music got louder and the drinks were stronger. But when he awoke in the cold gray dawn, there was only one person he reached out for. And he wasn’t there. The years stretched out before him, surrounded by people, forever alone.

****************

Chin tracked him down. Kono was getting married—not, thank Jesus, to Adam Noshimuri, but to someone he’d never heard of. He worried about that, until he realized that Chin and Danny surely would have checked the guy out. He was strongly tempted not to go, but Chin had warned him that she _demanded_ Steve’s presence at her wedding, and he did not want an angry Kono spending her honeymoon tracking him down. Which she unquestionably would.

 

Chin picked him up at the airport and drove him to the hotel. They talked of inconsequential things, except for one question. Chin quietly asked, “Have you talked to Danny?” Steve looked out the window and said, “No”.  Chin took one look at Steve’s face and let it ride, changing the subject to the lack of rain.

 

They walked into the opulent hotel lobby. Steve automatically did a threat assessment, checking the exits, the people—he stopped in his tracks, his eyes riveted. Across the lobby, Danny Williams stared back at him. He looked older, tired. There were streaks of silver in the blond hair. But quintessentially _Danny_. Hazel eyes locked with blue. There was no one else in the hotel, no one else in the world. Hesitantly, Steve took a step forward, then another, never breaking eye contact. Suddenly they were face to face.

 

“Steve, you—oh, Jesus, you don’t know, you don’t even know—“ Danny’s voice was broken, rough.

 

“What, Danny?” It was Steve’s deepest desire and his worst nightmare. Now that Danny was here, in front of him, how could he walk away again?

 

“Steve—it was always you—I walk down the street and see you, I get in the car and start _arguing_ with you, I can hear your voice talking back, we have _conversations_. At night I can _feel_ you sleeping next to me, I reach out and—“

 

“I know, Danny, I _know_.” He let Danny see it in his eyes. “It’s you, it’s always you. There’s never been anyone else.” And it was true.

 

Steve reached out a hand and cupped Danny’s head. He ran his thumb over beard stubble. Danny closed his eyes.

 

Steve panicked. “No, Danny, don’t, don’t shut me out, please.”

 

Danny opened his eyes and chuffed out a weak laugh. “Sorry, babe. It’s just …  a little overwhelming, you know?” He put his hand over Steve’s on his face and smiled. “God, seeing you, you’re _real_. I missed you so fucking much!”

 

“Danny, I …” He struggled to find words. “I need you. Like water, like air. Please, let me stay.” Steve McGarrett had never begged for anything in his life. But he was begging now. “ _Please_.”

 

Danny reached out his other hand and gently stroked Steve’s face, his brow, his cheek, finally touching his lips.

 

“Shh, shh. I guess if we’re going to be miserable no matter what we do, we may as well do it together. I don’t know if we can change our natures, but being angry with you is better than being desolate alone. I don’t ever want you to leave me again. I need you, babe. Like water, like air.”

 

He smiled, and the room lit up like a thousand suns. Steve moved closer, and his lips gently touched Danny’s.  They hugged each other close, and deepened the kiss, eyes open. Neither wanted to miss seeing the other.  There was a noise.… Steve automatically reacted, jerking his head up and looking around for unknown threats. Around them, a small crowd was applauding. Steve gulped and blushed. When Danny realized what was going on, he buried his head against Steve’s chest and muttered, “Shoot me now.”

 

“No, no, babe, no shooting.”  He pressed a kiss to the top of the blond hair.

 

Danny looked up. “And what, now do we live happily ever after?”

 

Steve couldn’t promise that.  “I don’t know, Danno. But we fight _together_ , okay? The two of us together, the way it’s always been.”

 

Danny nodded. “Yeah, okay. Together. I can do that.” He looked around at the audience they’d gathered. “And I really think we should get a room.”

 

Steve grinned. “Sounds good, babe. Let’s get a room … and go from there.”

 

END

 


End file.
